Guilt...it's a powerful thing

it makes my heart pound and my stomach feel woosy. It makes me feel embarrassed. It makes me feel like a horrible mother. It redirects me...I pray, I focus, and I make changes. Please God tell me I haven't yet done any damage. That's a "good" guilt...useful guilt. I've relied on melatonin to help the munchkin sleep for far too long...even after JT suggested we stop - although we never really had a true conversation and decision about it. I've known for a while that it's a crutch for me but couldn't bring myself to admit it. So, I did some research and it turns out it can have affects on puberty, I'm not really sure but I think it can slow it down. I shouldn't have been using it nearly every day, I know that. We need to teach her good sleep habits...we will teach her good sleep habits and I will just have to deal with the battles that come. I am not mentioning anything to JT because I'm scared of his reaction, even though it would make me feel better (I don't know why).  So, this guilt leads to change, leads to less laziness (because that's really what it is), leads me closer to God (because I NEED his forgiveness and support)...makes me a better mother and person. I vow right here and now that I will be better, do better, know better. We all screw up in some way or another, some bigger than others...it's how we react that matters. At least that's what I hope...