I don't know how

There is a story in my life that no one fully knows...not even myself. I self-destructed in my late teens / early 20's. It was like I was addicted to drugs and alcohol but I wasn't. Never even touched drugs. I don't know how to tell the story, I don't know where to begin or why things happened. I dont' know if I want to figure it all out. I've come SO VERY FAR. But, I see people struggling with similar behavior in their children and want to give them advice. But, I can't because I don't really know how I got there or just what brought me out. I know my mom saved my life but beyond that, it was a team / family effort. I let myself be helped. My mom often asks me "what was that all about". I always tell her that I don't really know and, that if I did, I would certainly share it with her. Finally, this year, I asked her to please stop asking me about it (my wonderful step-dad backed me up) b/c I don't want to go back to that place, to sort it out. I've healed, I've moved on, I've gotten better. Now, as a parent, I think I know why she wants answers. She wants to know what she could have done differently. I've told her that if I ever figure it all out, she'll be the first to know and that there isn't anything she could have done differently. I had to spiral, unwravel, fall apart to pull it all together.