I want to remember

a few things about the Munchkin at almost 4.

Munchkin,

You are so awesome and I love hanging out with you. Right now, you are working very hard on your letters and sounds. You really want to learn how to read. You love The Lion King, Fruit Roll Ups, Corn Dogs, and making Art. Playball is really showing now, we often get reports from teachers about how coordinated you are...playing soccer and dribbling a basketball. You are doing wonderful at Preschool with Ms. Graham and Ms. Targjini. They tell us you have excellent behavior, listen well, and are nice to all of your friends. Also, you aren't the tallest in your class :) It's just amazing how fast you are growing. I am loving this age and wish I could keep you here for a while longer.

Mom

Stuff

I spent some time coloring with the Munchin this afternoon. It was wonderful...I have loved to color since I can remember. The best part is, she can color with me. When I sew or scrapbook, I always feel like I have to do it when she's asleep b/c I don't want the "interference" (forgive the word but I hope you know what I mean). With coloring, it's not like that...it's just fun :)

So, there are some things I want to remember at the Munchkin inches closer to 4 years old (OMG!)

Munchkin,

This was the year you really grew from a toddler to a big girl. You've mastered potty training...the pee was easy but you just got the poop about 3 weeks ago. It was all Daddy's doing b/c I was traveling but he handled it wonderfully. Speaking of traveling...there will be more trips in the near future but none as long as that one. I missed you terribly.

You are a sweet and smart girl. Kind, earth-friendly, sporty...there just aren't enough words. Today was a tough one for me though. You were pure sass and I struggle with it. You've learned to ride your scooter and are learning to ride a bike. Right now, you are very interested in learning to write and read. You know how to write your name, you know your numbers by sight (and by count), you have known your colors and shapes for a really long time now. You continue to enjoy Playball and love to play soccer, basketball, really anything with a ball.

You continue to wow people...many tell me that there is just something about you that draws them in and makes them love you. Hey, who can blame them ;) You have really blossomed from a very shy girl to an outgoing girl. Your preschool has been absolutely instrumental about this...I cannot tell you what it's like to have the support of your school and work as a team. Less than 3 months ago, you wouldn't get up in front of your class and dance. Two weeks ago, you stood up in front of the students at your school (100) and played a hummingbird during Ms. Kate's concert.

You are an amazing person, I'm so blessed and grateful to be your mom! I love you.

My life is overwhelming me

Well that sounds dramatic. Here's what I want...but I think it's a pipe dream with full time work, a 3 year old, and two dogs. I'm sure I could get JT on board but, really, niether one of us is great with follow up or upkeep. When I do have free time, I spend it poking around the internet, generally waisting time. I think I'm overwhelmed with the options. Ok, my wish list:

• a fairly organized and neat home
• a full understanding of our finances
• the will to do something creative on a regular basis. I say will b/c I do have the time.

I'd also like to spend time playing with the munchkin in our house. I always seem to be totally distracted. We do spend a lot of time together but it's mostly outside the house (parks, pool, beach, zoo, etc.). I find that I can focus on her much better without being distracted.

That's really not a huge list but it is a challenging one. Not sure what to do from here but I'm sure I'll figure it out. I always do.

A recent conversation

The munchkin and I were headed out to breakfast. Our neighboor was outside working on his lawn, shirtless.

TM: Mommy, why is he naked
Me: Honey, he's not naked, he just has his shirt off. Boys can take their shirts off in public because they don't have boobies. (yes, I call them boobies...it's more fun)
TM: Daddy takes his shirt off and he has boobies.

Oh.My.Word! I managed to just giggle (instead of full out laugh) because TM is easily embarrased. I never told JT but my friends and I have had a really good laugh with that one.

I want to remember...

A lot of the munchkin's classmates have been getting new baby brothers/sisters so there's been a lot of talk about babies in my house these days. A few times in the past couple weeks, she's mentioned that I have her baby brother in my tummy (which, I would love, but am sure I do not currently have ANYTHING in my tummy). So, last night at bedtime we were talking:

DD: I'm going to have a baby someday
Me: Really?
DD: Where's the Baby Store?
Me: (trying to repress my laughter) Honey, we don't buy babies (and this is where I started to say something about adoption then realized she's only 3).
DD: Oh. You have my baby brother in your tummy.
Me: I do?
DD: mmhmm
Me: What about a baby sister? Would that be ok?
DD: No...a baby brother.

Okey dokey then :) DH and I will have to get to work on that baby brother of hers!

P.S. Yes, I am painfully aware that I have neglected this blog severely and am sticking my head in the sand about my committment issues.

I want to remember...

DD has all of her "gear" on..hat, bag, sword.
Her: I'm ready to go!
Me: Where are you going?
Her: Nowhere

Her grandmother could not stop laughing!

A while ago my mom was here for a visit. We were at the park and DD had to poo but didn't want to use the toilet. I went to get a pull up from the car and Grammie told me that while I was gone, DD was freaking out a bit:
Grammie: Are you ok?
DD: I'm ok, I'm just a litte traumatic.
Me: Yes, I am a bit traumatized. I guess she has been paying attention when we tell her she's a little dramatic.

Near perfect day

(ignoring the fact that it's been forever since I wrote anything) Easter 2011 was about a perfect day as it gets for me. Everyone was in a really good mood, the weather was gorgeous, we had a lovely dinner with friends. The munchkin was so excited to hunt for Easter eggs this year, especially the ones she helped dye. I really should have written this when it was much fresher in my mind but the feeling of that day has lingered all this time. It was truly a blessing :)

I want to remember...

Riding in the car with the munchkin when Bruno Mars' song, Grendae, came on. She picked up on the line:

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did

She turned to me and asked, "why did they throw it in the trash?" "We don't throw our hearts in the trash." I told her she was right, we didn't throw hearts in the trash. I asked her, "where are our hearts". Her response...in our tummies and they have to stay in our tummies, not in the trash."

I want to remember...

The munchkin was playing with the cards from her Elmo computer. As the handed them to me she said, "here's one million dollars, two million dollars, and three million dollars". So I asked what we should spend the money on. Her answer: "corn, applesauce, and more applesauce". Guess I better stock up.

In other news I'm still feeling totally undisciplined and not doing anything about it. But I've started some new meds that really seem to be making a difference for me health-wise. That's exciting I must say. Maybe after I hit the right dosage I'll be able to bring some other things together. I do know that I need to get back to my goals. Although it's already Wednesday I'm going to set some goals for the end of the week:

1. 24 or more ounces of water per day
2. No fast food
3. Yoga at least 2 times this week (guess I better get 1 tonight)

My mom is coming to town and I am so looking forward to it but that means some more in-depth cleaning so that's on the list too.

So, yeah, that Lent thing

still no idea and it's Ash Wedensday. I realize that I've been given the perfect opportunity to get closer. I've been chosen as a member of our Church's Rector Search Committee. More than that, I've been selected as Chairperson. I'm quite honored and although this process will most certainly last beyond 40 days I think I'm ready for it. I'm not sure this "counts" but it's what I'm going with.

Lent

I've never "done" Lent before. I didn't grow up in a church that did that. I knew about it b/c I went to church with my Dad during summers and school breaks. Last year our Rector (who I miss terribly) pointed out that it's not just about giving something up. We could add activities that bring us closer to God (extra prayer, meditation, etc). So, Lent starts on March 9 and I'm trying to decide what to do, if anything. I'm trying to make some life changes and this could be just the kick-start I need. I'm thinking I will commit to my 15 minute yoga program once per day...no matter what. It really brings me peace and comfort, not to mention the physical benefits. The other thought running through my head is severly limiting my sugar intake. I did this on Weight Watchers Core plan, I know I can do it, I just don't want to. I guess I've got a few days to figure it out.

Self-Discipline...

I don't haz it. JT and I went to an introductory course for Financial Peace University. We need to do something and we've used this system before with success. However, the format wasn't right for us. On the way home, he mentioned that is just takes discipline. I was reminded, once again, how much self-discipline I lack. The only time I've been disciplined was with school, specifically college and beyond. What's that about? I am a lazy person, it's true, I am but is it more than that? And, is there a way to change? I'm sure there is but where do I start? This has all been rolling around in my head for a few days and I think that's where it will stay for now. I need to chew on it, research it, make peace with it before I decide which area of my life to tackle self-discipline. Gosh, what fun!

On bonding with the Munchkin

I don't know what made me think of it the other night but I remembered the moment I really bonded with Noelle. It wasn't right after she was born, although I loved her instantly, and I think for most moms that's normal. It was when I gave up trying to get breastfeeding to work. BF was HORRIBLE for me - no milk would come out, just blood (TMI) but I felt like I HAD to. I realized that we were both totally stressed out and it wasn't doing us any good. She also wasn't gaining weight and the ped let me off the hook. So, I layed down on my bed, propped up on pillows. I sat Noelle on my belly and leaned her against my bent knees so we were face-to-face and I gave her a nice bottle. She stared at me and we were both so calm, so comfortable. That was the moment I really bonded with my daughter and I don't want to forget it.

21 Days

I read last week that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. Last week wasn't a good week for making habits, such as drinking water. I did not even come close to reaching that goal. It's a new week though so I'm going to drink at least 24 oz of water each day. Water might not be working but the 1 fast food per week is pretty set I think. I haven't had trouble with that one. I did meet all my other goals last week. I made a call that I've been putting off for a long time. I have a tentative diagnosis and will be meeting with my other doc before making a final determination as to proper treatment. In the meantime, I've been researching the diagnosis and learning all I can about treatment. I'm actually quite proud of myself.

I had great fun this weekend baking for Valentine's day. I finally made Hot Chocolate on a Stick and it turned out great! Making homemade marshmallows was so easy that I'll do it again. I'm thinking green shamrock marshmallows for St. Patrick's Day next month.

So, this week...
24 oz of water
Get outside for at least 15 minutes per day
Finish apron

That's really it for this week. I'm not really feeling "goalish" (yes, that's a word). I feel more like I just need to survive this week.

I want to remember...

That I can bribe the munchkin to do just about anything with a Sharpie.

Go Pack Go!

Ok, now that I got that off my chest ;). It's been an interesting week. Very challenging at work but home has been pretty good although I feel terribly lazy. My goals this week are to help me focus on my mental and physical health. But first, a recap:
1. put clothes away - done (yeah, I cheated...what of it?) - done

2. Drink at least 24 oz of water each day - done
3. No more than one fast food meal and no SB - done. I did have one meal yesterday morning.
4. review or return sleep books - Ummm, yeah, now I can't even find the books!
5. finish the apron...if the mood strikes (gotta take the pressure off this one) - nope but I've made progress
6. clean master bedroom and bath - I cleaned the master bath but only picked up the bedroom. JT has everything pulled away from the walls in there so he can (FINALLY) finish the base board. Really no point in cleaning until that is done.

This week:
Continue to drink at least 24 oz water/day and only one FF meal.
Find the freakin' sleep books
Make the call
Baking for V-day at school
No unnecessary purchases (this one is going to be really tough)
Apply to one new job

As my week last week drew on, I found myself wanting to go shopping more and more. Shopping is my drug and it's how I ended up bankrupt at 21 years of age. It's still a fight for me a lot of the time and I am great at rationalization. I did buy myself a pair of jeans but that makes only 2 pair of jeans for me. Really, I spend more money on the munchkin because it takes some of the guilt off - wait, I'm rationalizing again :)

I think I'll go sew while I wait for the Packer game to start.

I want to remember...

I caught Basil in the yard eating deer poop so I was yelling at him to "stop eating the deer poop". Noelle asks me "why is he eating reindeer poop?"

A man jogging through the park without his shirt on...Noelle says "aaaaaa...mommy, he's NAKED!"

The wonderful songs she makes up and how very silly she is.

Goals - last week & this week

Seriously, I'm still not done with the apron. What is that about? It's not because I didn't have time. I had plenty of time today. It just seems overwhelming to have to finish it all at one time. Normally, I can go step by step but since the munchkin is sleeping in my craft room (#&%$* - another story for another time) I feel too much pressure to get it all done at once. Blech. As for the other goals? Not so great...

1. finish apron - see above


2. no fast food or starbucks (FF drinks are ok) - I did well. No SB and no fast food although I did partake of a McDs hot fudge sunday. I had a serious battle of wills on Friday but I managed to win. I think I might need to give myself permission to have one FF meal per week.

3. Review sleep books - um...nope

4. Drink 24 oz of water each day (**this is priority**) - I did pretty well, only missed one day. Thursday was a tough day with an interview that didn't pan out and being terribly exhausted. I'm actually pretty happy with my progress.

****This week***
1. put clothes away - done (yeah, I cheated...what of it?)
2. Drink at least 24 oz of water each day
3. No more than one fast food meal and no SB
4. review or return sleep books
5. finish the apron...if the mood strikes (gotta take the pressure off this one)
6. clean master bedroom and bath

I realize that most of these are repeats but I'm going to keep at it until they become second nature or finally get done :)

Goals...con't

I only got one half of my goals done from last week. I put the stuff in the bags away. I did manage to get half of my apron pattern cut out but this weekend was not my friend in getting things done. Having a child who is trying to give up naps and is not particularly good at playing by herself (not to mention, pretty much only wants to spend time playing with me) kinda puts a crimp in "me" time. My goal from two weeks ago of not going out for fast food was lost only once. I did replace it with Starbucks though...not good.

I did reorganize my baking and medicine cabinets in the kitchen. That feels really good. So, this weeks goals:

1. finish apron
2. no fast food or starbucks (FF drinks are ok)
3. Review sleep books
4. Drink 24 oz of water each day (**this is priority**)

Ok, that's plenty for now.

20 things I love about my spouse...

Am I a horrible person to think that I might not be able to come up with 20 things?

1. His sense of humor
2. He's strong
3. He loves our daughter
4. He is incredibly handy, mechanically
5. He knows how to cook
6. He cleans the house
7. He is going to school and really focusing on it
8. He does the laundry
9. He's great with woodworking
10. He can build almost anything
11. He knows how to pick out great jewelry
12. He's a good gift giver
13. He is good with money
14. He is smart
15. He doesn't mind that I make more money than him
16. He backs me up with the munchkin
17. He doesn't mind that I spend a lot of time on the computer
18. He likes to read almost as much as I do
19. His beautiful blue eyes
20. He has a really cute butt

That didn't take very long at all :)

I want to remember...

Noelle fell asleep in my lap on the big chair together.

I want to remember...

Noelle in bed tonight asks me to sing "He's got the Whole World in his Hands". I started out with "Noelle Aidan Thomas" and move on to Mommy and Daddy, Basil & Jenny. Then, I stopped. She had been upset with me when I turned the TV off. So, she asked if I would sign He's Got the TV and the light in His Hands and He's Got the Pacis in His Hands.

Less than comforting

Finally had my appointment with the neurologist. About 4-6 months ago, I had a string of days with a lot of numbness and decreased sensation on the left side of my body. This led to bloodwork and a brain MRI...both negative. Got a referral to the neuro but "life" had me postpone it until today. So she took my history, did an initial exam. Her comment was basically, let's have another MRI b/c it's unusual to have a negative MRI given your symptoms. OOOOKKKK. I also will be having a nerve conduction test and electromagnification. I'm not looking those up today b/c I want to enjoy my day off. I'll deal with that at work tomorrow. Anyway, I really think the issue is musculoskeletal (pinched nerve, muscle tightness) but figured I'd save that discussion for after the negative MRI.

On another note, I did make it a week without fast food although I did purchase hot chocolate, sodas, and coffee from McDonald's. I need a new goal for this week. I think this one will be creative. Get my apron finished, oh, and started ;) I also will put the stuff from the car away.

Overwhelmed

I'm feeling totally overwhelmed with life sometimes right now. That said, I'm putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. I spent yesterday working from home, in bed. I also cleaned out my car. Those two things were actually helped me feel better.

So, I've been pretty good about sticking to my goal of no fast-food. I've had McDonald's hot chocolate but I'm going to say that it's not cheating. Yes, I could have saved money but making my own but it's nowhere NEAR as tasty. Otherwise, I've only eaten a small piece of hashbrown that the munchkin left for me.

The hard part will be this weekend. I will report back on Monday :)

My weekly goal

So, I think I've decided that a yearly goal is just too much. We have a monthly goal of getting rid of the pacifier and I'm trying to add more veggies and fruits to my diet. I'm getting really tired of the way I look but I'm not ready to really change just yet. Anyway, I've decided that a weekly goal may be the way to go. This week (Monday-Sunday) my goal is to not eat fast food (this does not include pizza). This is a two-fold goal. (1) no greasy fast food adding to my waistline and (2) saves money. I just need to plan ahead when it comes to lunches and I should be ok. I need to remember a frozen meal tomorrow and then remember leftovers for the rest of the week.

I don't know how

There is a story in my life that no one fully knows...not even myself. I self-destructed in my late teens / early 20's. It was like I was addicted to drugs and alcohol but I wasn't. Never even touched drugs. I don't know how to tell the story, I don't know where to begin or why things happened. I dont' know if I want to figure it all out. I've come SO VERY FAR. But, I see people struggling with similar behavior in their children and want to give them advice. But, I can't because I don't really know how I got there or just what brought me out. I know my mom saved my life but beyond that, it was a team / family effort. I let myself be helped. My mom often asks me "what was that all about". I always tell her that I don't really know and, that if I did, I would certainly share it with her. Finally, this year, I asked her to please stop asking me about it (my wonderful step-dad backed me up) b/c I don't want to go back to that place, to sort it out. I've healed, I've moved on, I've gotten better. Now, as a parent, I think I know why she wants answers. She wants to know what she could have done differently. I've told her that if I ever figure it all out, she'll be the first to know and that there isn't anything she could have done differently. I had to spiral, unwravel, fall apart to pull it all together.

What can you do to nurture your important relationships?

This is the prompt for today and I really like it. First things first - determining which relationships are important.


My marriage
My daughter
My mother & step-father
My father & step-mother
My in-laws (love them btw)
My friends & neighbors
My aunts, uncles, and cousins
My step-grandmother
My coworkers


Wow, that's a lot of relationships. I struggle with adding my church b/c that's a bit of a shaky area right now. I'm contemplating changing churces so we'll just see how that develops.



I think it really all comes down to "focus" on the relationships. I feel like I spent much of the last year in a fog - a fog of stress, depression, exhaustion - just going through the motions. I know I enjoyed the moments but I know I wasn't as present as I should have been. Now, let's get specific.

My marriage: kiss more; smile more; flirt more
My daughter: be present; play more inside the house (I always get distracted by all the other stuff I "should" be doing)
My mother & step-father: call at least once a week; send cards; send pictures
My father & step-mother: call at least once a week; send art from DD
My in-laws: Send pictures; more emails or phone calls
My friends & neighbors: Call more often, at least once per month; wave & say hi...chat a while.
My aunts, uncles, and cousins: cards, emails, facebook
My step-grandmother: send pictures, cards, and artwork
My coworkers: exhibit patience; provide a listening ear; pay attention to them...not my email.

We don't live near any of our family or most of our friends. I'm so grateful for email, facebook, youtube, skype, and the USPS to keep our relationships strong.

The future of my country looks...

I using journaling prompts provided by a group at TwoPeas. I'm not sure if it's working but I'm going to try to keep up :)

The future of my country looks uncertain to me. I'm not in love with the current administration and I'm not overly supportive of their goals. However, I have hope in the generations coming up and I think that, really, not a lot changes drastically overnight. It will be many years before we look back and see how things changed.

Within the next 3 months, I plan to...

A journaling prompt that got me thinking.

I plan to...

1. finish my thank you notes (this week)
2. finish swapping the craft room and the munchkin's room
3. continue writing on a weekly, if not daily, basis.

That's really all I want to commit to :) at least for today. The thing about goals is there's really nothing stopping you from adding as you go. I find that if I give myself too many goals, I don't get anything done. It's like it's overwhelming and I don't know where to start.

Creativity...

it's a necessity for me. Here's a little something I want to remember when I'm in a scrapbooking rut. It helps that I have some of the exact paper that I've been wanting to use :)

http://www.scrapbook.com/articles/doc/29535/248.html