"You're Gonna Miss This"

It's true. Each age and stage leaves me missing something the munchkin left behind. Whether it's cuddling her to sleep in my arms or how easy it was before we had to discipline her. I remind myself of this when we hit difficult behavior :) I'm going to miss the days she wants me to hold her hand while she drifts to sleep, when she wants me to paint with her, and pretty much every other thing. I imagine it's going to be this way for the rest of my life.

Remaining Professional

Today, as was the case yesterday, it is taking an incredible effort to remain professional. My solution yesterday was to vent when I could and keep my office door closed. That isn't going to be possible today. I've got some kind of meeting...detail are sketchy and the person running it is an ass. So, I'm going to have to be firm, cool, calm and collected while I feel like I could just break down. I could take one of my fast acting pills but I worry that dulls my response time. The more I think about it though...being a bit slower to respond might do me some favors in this situation. So, my mantra for today:

Calm, cool, collected...remain professional.

I want to remember

Noelle was playing with my fingers, pretending like she was going to bite them. I warned her that if she bit me, she would need to go to her room. So...she bites me and promptly takes herself to her room. A few minutes later I went in after she called to me that she had pee-pee'd (on the potty). When I opened the door she said "Sorry". I told her she did a good job peeing in the potty. She said "Sorry I bite your finger"...then she gave me a hug and kiss and kissed my finger. So sweet!

Remember this...

Daddy giving the munchkin a bath...after a particularly challenging ride home from the Merry-go-Round.
Noelle to Daddy: You're my darlin'. Mommy's my sweet darlin' too.

Today. Noelle playing in her play room and decides she needs to go away.
Mommy: can I go with you
Noelle: I got to go to school, honey. I love you very much.
Followed by a kiss.

God I love this age!

Yesterday was about a perfect a day as you can get...productivity, rest, and fun with the family.

Motivated...and Tired

I'm a little tired today but I also feel motivated to get some things on my "to-do" list done. I don't get tired until I sit down...of course, so I'm pacing myself :)

1. Change sheets
2. Put clothes away
3. Lounge in the Pool and read
4. Pick up a bit (kitchen, LR, BR)

And some extras if I'm feeling like it but may wait until this weekend:
1. Dust or clean blinds
2. Laundry
3. Clean Master Bedroom

This all hinges on whether or not I get a ton of paid work I need to do but that's ok. I just realized I'm missing my mom this week. It's also been a stressful week monetarily with a bunch of shuffling money just to cover the bills. I really need to change my thinking about money, which is easier said than done.

Well, this post is just a mish-mosh but that's ok. I feel better just getting it out :)

Remember:

Some recent gems from the munchkin:
Scene: Noelle trying to go down the stairs without holding on to anything b/c she's carrying three blankets.
Me: Please hold the rail.
Her: I only have two hands.

Scene: Noelle playing in her room. She had recently told her Daddy to "go away".
Me: Can Daddy come in?
Her: No
Me: Why Not?
Her: Because he cries too much
He pretends to cry whenever she 'hurts his feelings'

There was one more but I cannot remember it right now...hence the need to get these things typed out more frequently.

Need (Want?) a Mental Health Day

I don't want to do anything today. I don't know if I'm depressed or tired but I'd like to lay on the couch, watch TV, and munch on snacks all day. I feel tired and I just don't wanna (said in my best whiny voice). However, that's just not an option today. I'm working from home this morning then going to the office in the afternoon. I feel guilty with DH at home busting his ass on home improvement projects and DD at daycare. Ok, so I'm going to compromise (and stop rambling)...I'll be lazy for now then kick it into gear shortly. BLAH!

Well, that's interesting

I had an epiphany yesterday - in the women's bathroom, at work. While not the ideal spot you gotta take 'em when they come. So, in the past I have had an addiction to shopping. I declared bankruptcy at 21 and right before I did it...I maxed every card out. Since then, I've worked hard and done really well at keeping it in check. DH helps with that of course ;) Anyway, I realized that the more anxious I get the more I want to go shopping. THEY ARE DIRECTLY RELATED. That's a huge deal to make the connection. Now, I just need to figure out what to replace it with. I tood my medication and the urge retracted but I'd rather replace it with something else. I'll have to think about it, maybe talk to my mom. Normally I'd say to replace it with crafting (sewing, scrapbooking) but that's not always possible in the moment.

In other, bittersweet news, I finished the munchkin's first year scrapbook. So what that she's 2.5 now :) It was fun to go through the notes I took and see the patterns that have emerged and see how some things are still the same.

I'm trying to figure out the best way to journal the things I want to remember about her as she grows. I don't know if this is the place but it just might end up that way.

Overwhelmed = Shutdown

I'm feeling overwhelmed today and it did not help that I only got about 5 hours of sleep. Sleep, I have learned, has a huge impact on my anxiety level. So today, I was totally lazy. I was tired and didn't know where to start with anything. I really wanted to clean the kitchen table but it was overwhelming. Everything seemed overwhelming until I took a 30 minute nap. I was able to put all the laundry away and get a load started. I also got moving and enjoyed hanging out with the munchkin (she's a great mood lifter).

So I allowed myself to be overwhelmed today. I didn't take any meds and tonight I feel pretty good. Let's just hope I can tackle a few more things this weekend. On my list:

1. finish upload and order of photos
2. clean off kitchen table
3. pick up master bedroom

Otherwise, I've been feeling good lately. Work is a struggle and probably always will be unless everyone is replaced...that's not likely. I've got my head down as best I can, choose my battles carefully, and keep my eyes open for other opportunities.